Creative Writing

Crappy Ode to Crappy Busses, A poem by Rose Thaysen

June 26, 2018

Crappy Ode to Crappy Busses, A poem by Rose Thaysen

Creative Writing MA student Rose Thaysen offers milk readers a witty poem inspired by the terrors of the U5.

First experience with you, Somerset transit:

Gatwick rail replacement bus.

Our relationship has not become less frantic.

Two trains, one bus later, my suitcase and I were

still one point three miles from the blue dot.

Google hadn’t thought to mention

the insignificant detail that is: Outside Term Time.

And being the only link to Tesco

doesn’t make you the big shot,

when three-inch snow cause enough tension

that the result is starvation.


Oh Bath Bus, you are not underrated.

You sound like an underqualified plumber.

Please get your ventilation upgraded

the heating only works in summer.

In winter we sit against your cold frame

with no isolation, as our condense water-breath

steams the windows of your upper deck.

I am sad to say, you are truly to blame

when we, after a brush with freezing-death,

reach the destination tense and sore.


You demand that I change three times

just to get to the next town over.

Days are ruined by bus driver-crimes

I’m not exaggerating. Theft by refusing

that there is such a thing as a ‘Cross-Over’.

It is possible to have just one ticket you know

(as they do in, like, all other countries).

Conclusions: No more bus-cruising,

nobody saves with Faresaver, the only way

to and fro the airports, is the real pro,

National Express.


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